Monday, August 24, 2009

Searching for Significance.

I've been very thoughtful this weekend....letting my mind mull over many, many things. Recently, I've been surfing the internet for research on church outreach, working with people, and generation trends. I've also spent time looking up other people's blogs and reading about their weeks and ups and downs.

And I tell you what. My life seems pretty insignificant.

I know so many people that are going through tough times right now - serious health issues, family troubles, raising kids, big discions to make.

And here I am struggling to have the right attitude about making supper, or going to birthday parties, or serving in the church. It seems so petty. *sigh*

Sometimes I just want to say, "O grow up Emily." But at the same time, I don't want to. And that's where the struggle lies...and what has been occupying my thoughts alot. I want to live my life fully for God, to be useful in His hands, to be utterly dependent on Him and not worry about little things in life. Yet there is part of me that still holds back. There is a part of me that is still so childish and selfish and unrelenting. And sometimes I just can't seem to shake it.

And I don't know why I'm rambling on here....but I am. The only thing I've concluded in this stage of my life, is how important....no, critical....it is that I stay founded on God's truth. It's okay to go through changes, and question myself and my motives, and ask myself hard questions and "what am I really doing?" But if I'm not grounded in God's promises, I will be so easily blown away.

And so, though it's been a while since I've practiced my memory verses, I realize it's really, really important right now. and I don't know what else to do, but I know I can do this.

"But the wisdom that comes from above is first of all pure, then peaceloving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."
James 3:17
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
James 1:5

4 comments:

Abbi said...

THose are some good and important verses! Thanks for the post!

Fawn said...

a great reminder to be seeking truth...it was an encouragement to me!

PS I maaaaay have seen you when I left work tonight, walking down your alley behind your work...I saw only the back of a person from a distance, but with VERY long light brown hair...i put two and two together and thought it could have been you :)
how do we both live in this city and hardly work a block from each other and I never see you?!!

Fawn said...

a great reminder to be seeking truth...it was an encouragement to me!

PS I maaaaay have seen you when I left work tonight, walking down your alley behind your work...I saw only the back of a person from a distance, but with VERY long light brown hair...i put two and two together and thought it could have been you :)
how do we both live in this city and hardly work a block from each other and I never see you?!!

tani said...

I love this post Emily! I love where you are at in your heart. Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled. When you are at the place where you know you want so much more in your relationship with God, and you seek him with all your heart, you will find him. He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. Ask and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. These are all promises of what God will do with a heart like yours. You do not have to be perfect to accomplish great things for him, just humble, surrendered, and poor in spirit. It is a scary place to be when you ask God to do whatever he needs to do to make you into what he created you to be, but nothing is more exciting or fulfilling in life. Nothing. He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.

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