Tuesday, May 12, 2009

A Heavy Heart

There are some things that weigh heavy on my heart, and there are some days there seem to be more of them than less.

Sometimes, when I see a towering tree in the sunlight, it makes my heart ache a little bit....just because it's so beautiful, and just because it's so tall, just because I know that Someone made it. It makes me long for knowing my Creator better, it makes me sigh for the beauty around me that some people never see, it makes me realize how little I see.

When I heard a new church was moving into town, I almost wanted to cry. Why are they adding ANOTHER church in a town already filled to overflowing with different congregations. It makes it so hard for people to be eager for the truth when they are so confused on "who is right" or "where to go." Why did we need another building, another name...did they truly visit EVERY church in town and find that they were all lacking in the truth?

It makes me sigh when I can't understand people and the choices they make. I want so badly to encourage and help but when I don't even understand why they made the choice they did, how can I help them out of their situation? And how do I truly show God's love to those people who could care less?

I pray everyday that God would help me in our marriage to trust Him, to let Him use it for good. There are so many hurting families out there....so many ripped apart by selfishness and mistakes....that we all make....but that end up differently. I wish that we could set a better example...one that would draw people UP to The One, and not over to "our way" of making things work. I wish that people would make marriage more than about "being in love" with each other, than "being in love" with the Holy One. I'm sure that there is more to modeling a good marriage than just affection....there is a loyalty that runs deep, a love that is bigger than I can grasp, a respect for other souls that humbles me, and a service that is shown in sincerity.

It weighs on my heart when I catch a glimpse of the "bigger picture." When someone is seriously hurt, and gets through it, and comes out with a calmer and more earnest outlook. I can't help but desire that sincerity and wisdom that only comes when we realize who really controls time and circumstances. Oh that I would use my time better....be less caught up in frivolous things...be less childish....have a quiet and gentle spirit.

Sometimes, when I hear about how much my generation, and the generation after me, is struggling to "find God" and find peace....and how longingly they really do seek to know Him, but they seem to look in the wrong places. Oh that I would be a better Christian....that they really would see Christ in me and not just me....that they would stand in awe of God and how close and how holy He is all at the same time....that they wouldn't be so disheartened at what "churches" and religion has becomes, and instead be able to really know God through His word and through believers to whom He is more than an old story about a person or a set of good works to live their life by....but Someone REAL.

1 comment:

Abbi said...

Thank you for those thoughts. I can really relate. I have had many similiar ones going through my head recently.
Today I was thinking about the many churches and wondering if maybe we all would start talking more with others that also strive to follow Christ, not in a accusatory manner but just "What do you think about these Verses?", "How do you understand them?" For those that haven't looked at the scripture as a whole maybe it would open some eyes and maybe we would find others that truly are following the Bible very accurately.And possibly we would learn some things from them too. That is my goal to try to communicate more (Gently!).


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